Conflict in the Church

Distancing, denial and duking it out aren't counter to the gospel, but it's possible to 'fight' and still keep the faith. Discover ways to transform conflict.

Dueling committees. A showdown between the treasurer and the church council chairwoman about funding a new ministry. Youth and young adults threatening a walkout because they feel ignored and undervalued in the church. Discord in Bible study about the rightness of possible war with Iraq. Battles over what the Bible says about homosexuality. These issues challenge the ideal of "one body in Christ" and God's call for the church to be an agent of reconciliation and peace.

On one hand, most of us haven't been taught that conflict need not be feared or avoided, that it is often needed and healthy for a family or congregation. On the other hand, in a society where winning is everything, we often can't find alternatives to choosing sides, backbiting, beating the opponent into submission or walking away.

Enter JustPeace, the Center for Mediation and Conflict Transformation in Evanston, Ill. Related to The United Methodist Church's General Council on Finance and Administration, it offers multiple resources to help churches and other Christian communities engage in a biblically grounded process for addressing and resolving conflicts.

Early in the life of JustPeace, a layperson called with a story about a potentially destructive dispute brewing in his church. The congregation had split into camps. Members had drawn the battle lines in parking lots, over the phone and via the Internet. Personal attacks were common. The pastor was caught in the middle.

Church leaders decided the congregation needed a covenant on how members should treat one another, even in the face of discord. They started with a study on Matthew 18 and Jesus' advice on how to deal with another who harms or sins against us.

Next, they explored the parable of the lost sheep and God's call for us to seek and restore those who are alienated from the community, not to attack and abuse them. From their Bible study and reflection, church members developed a relational covenant. And, in living out that covenant, the layperson reports, members of that church are now being constructively engaged.

Developing and living out a shared relational covenant is the most important work we can do to prevent destructive conflict in the church. Covenants are mutual agreements that bind people together. They involve honoring other parties and require mutual accountability and responsibility.

Relational covenants express the shared expectations and aspirations of a community or group about how each member wants to be treated. Such covenants define and reflect what you want your Christian community to be. To begin the covenant process, gather church leaders (for example the church council), begin the work and then extend it to as many members as possible. Or start with small groups in the church, youth and adult, and develop ideas for the covenant that are then improved and approved as the circles come together.

Worship and Bible study set the proper context and substance for these discussions. Consider the following questions when creating your church's relational covenant:

• How would you like to be treated, including when a conflict arises?

• How should members of the Body of Christ be treated?

• What is the vision of the Body of Christ in the Bible?

• How do we create respect for each person as a child of God?

• How do we create safety for each member of our community?

• What should we specifically do in order to listen for understanding, speak the truth in love, use our imaginations and be forgiving?

• How are we going to make decisions so that members feel the process was fair and respected each person's voice?

• How will we deal with confidential information and still value openness?

• How will we deal with accountability to the covenant?

• How will we maintain an openness to revise the covenant as needed?

--The Rev. Thomas Porter is executive director of JustPeace, and Mark Mancao is administrative director of JustPeace. They authored Engage Conflict Well: A Guide to Prepare Yourself and Engage Others in Conflict Transformation. (See resource listing.)

To Learn More

The JustPeace Center for Mediation and Conflict Transformation assists United Methodists in constructive conflict management and restorative justice, peace and reconciliation. Write the center at 1200 Davis St., Evanston, IL 60201; call (847) 425-6526; or visit www.JUSTPEACEumc.org for examples of relational covenants, a newsletter and training events. Engage Conflict Well: A Guide to Prepare Yourself and Engage Others in Conflict Transformation is available from JustPeace.

Exclusion and Embrace: A Theological Exploration of Identity, Otherness and Reconciliation by Miroslav Volf [Abingdon Press. Available from Cokesbury, (800) 672-1789].

Reaching for Higher Ground in Conflict Resolution: Tools for Powerful Groups by Franklin E. Dukes, Marina A. Piscolish and John B. Stephens [Wiley Press, (877) 762-2974].

The Conversation Matters: Why United Methodists Should Talk with One Another by Henry H. Knight III and Don Saliers. Abingdon Press.

The General Commission on Christian Unity and Interreligious Concerns is developing resources to help churches talk about volatile issues, such as homosexuality, in a Christlike, civil manner. Contact Betty Gamble, associate general secretary, at (212) 749-3553, or visit www.gccuic-umc.org. Lombard (Ill.) Mennonite Peace Center, (630) 672-0507; www.LMPeaceCenter.org.

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California church vows: 'We will not be silent'

When the topic is volatile and poignant, the opinions unshakable and even polarizing, the risk often can be too great--and some people would rather not talk.

For members of the Chinese Community Church in Oakland, Calif., giving people a chance to hear one another and to speak their feelings is the force behind a five-month-old program, "We Will Not Be Silent."

Using open dialogue and a covenant of respect, openness and desire to maintain Christian unity even in the face of disagreement, members meet regularly to discuss one of the toughest issues facing the church: homosexuality.

The dialogue was inspired by the 2000 General Conference's suggestion that local churches "create open, grace-filled space" for people to discuss, disagree and acknowledge the "deep wounds" experienced by the church around the issue of homosexuality.

"To be honest, there was concern about just raising the issue," says the Rev. Anne Lau Choy, associate pastor. "This church has gone through several splits in the past over varying issues and there was a lot of fear around that."

The church, which has Chinese- and English-language services and ministries, was divided over whether to engage in the dialogues. First-generation Chinese-speaking members--many new to the United States--largely opted out, citing more pressing church issues. The English-speaking group--including more second- and third-generation Chinese Americans--took on the challenge. A task force was created, and members of the local gay and lesbian community came to share their experiences. Church members also drew on their diverse biblical understanding.

Choy admits the sessions so far have been tough. "Some of the presentations were very heated, uncomfortable," she says. Still, the church is determined to try, and area Bishop Beverly J. Shamana applauds the effort. "Sexuality is one of these matters that has not had adequate dialogue, education or study in the church at large."

Shamana and other United Methodist bishops engaged in similar dialogue last spring during a groundbreaking session at their semiannual meeting.

Drawing on faith and the desire to bring healing to a hurting world "can make us stronger and better able to address sexuality in ways that honor our covenant as we seek to grow in our commitment as Christian disciples," Shamana says.

--Excerpted from "How NOT to Be Silent: Chinese Community Church Struggles to Listen" by Jeneane Jones, California-Nevada Connection, September 2002. Used with permission.

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The Door Is Still Open--Even If They Leave

A married couple left Hobson Church in Nashville, Tenn., last year. They were hurt and angry because they felt the church did not offer sufficient support when the husband's mother died.

Twelve years ago, that would have been the end of the story. But 10 years ago, the congregation developed a simple covenant that invites members to engage and confront one another in love. The covenant includes a pledge that participants will not walk away from one another; that part has been hard to live out.

Two years ago, the church put "teeth" in the covenant by creating the "Living Lab at Hobson"--a place to talk about hard issues that divide the church.

Hobson, formerly a white, wealthy congregation of 1,500, nearly died in the 1980s, dwindling to 30 people. Today, with 125 members and growing, the congregation is nearly half black, nearly half white, with a few people from Hispanic, Asian and biracial backgrounds.

The lab challenges participants to value each person's opinion and faith perspectives equally. So the 80-year-old member who was baptized there as a child has no more say-so than the 20-year-old drug addict who returned to church last week after relapsing for the third time.

And when members are angry about something--whether it's perceived racism or classism, or feeling that the lay leader should have attended a family member's funeral--they say so, and they're heard.

The lab participants--usually about 20 people--meet regularly to discuss, debate and do Bible study around issues that have the potential to divide.

One of those issues was the couple's pain after the death of his mother. The debate was tough: Was racism the culprit? (The pastor is black, the couple is white. The only folks from the church who attended the funeral were black--did they not count?) Were the pastor and leadership holding a grudge for some unnamed conflict from the past? Was this an excuse for the couple to walk out? Members talked through the situation, prayed together, apologized and vowed to love one another better. Still, they left. But the lab continues and the congregation is committed to talking through conflict, holding one another in prayer and leaving the door open.

The congregation still prays for the couple, and hopes they'll come back some day. They are still part of the Hobson family. In that way, the lab is working well.

--M. Garlinda Burton is editor of Interpreter, a member of Hobson Church in Nashville, Tenn., and co-coordinator of the Living Lab.

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Bishop Invites Faithful Into Tough Discussion on War

Last fall, when talk of war with Iraq consumed the United States and the world, West Ohio Bishop Bruce Ough sensed a resounding silence among Christians on this significant political and ethical question of our day. "Where is the voice of the church?" he asked. "Have we lost our voices?"

In fact, no one Christian voice exists on this issue. With more than 1 billion Christians in the world, followers of Jesus run the gamut, from warriors to pacifists, and each has Scripture to support his or her position. In the United States, Christians are further conflicted by the fear of being labeled unpatriotic, especially in the aftermath of the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks. As Tom Ehrich recently wrote in one of his online "On a Journey" meditations, "My flag-bearing self feels one way; my cross-bearing self feels another."

What the bishop found, however, was a desire among the faithful to engage in prayerful, biblical and loving dialogue about war, even across ideological lines. So he invited clergy and laity last October to the table to share their views.

Scripture, prayer and hymns were used to set the foundation and framework for the discussions. Disparate voices were heard, honored and challenged. Some supported the war, others wanted peace, and some were not sure what to do politically and remained silent as Bishop Ough moderated the discussion.

Participants expressed relief at the mere chance to talk, saying even across ideological barriers, having Christians around a common table in dialogue was a holy moment. College student Laura Wallace of Kenyon, Ohio, said, "Hearing the diverse voices of the church is beautiful, but it is also challenging. I feel called to do all in my power to discern God's will."

Scott Ocke, a Maryville, Ohio, pastor, confessed, "At times I have believed [the United States] should go in and remove [Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein]. But then I ask myself, 'Scott, have you prayed about this enough?'"

The bishop moderated the conversation in a way that honored each person who spoke. He tried hard to model a place where diversity of thought is valued.

The gift of the dialogue was uncovering essential faith questions at the foundation of the current political crisis. The hope is these kinds of dialogue will continue. The voice of faith is essential in the world, because true peace and healing can come only from God--and we are God's instruments.

--Deanna Stickley-Miner, with the Rev. Tom Slack and Bishop Bruce Ough. Adapted from "Dialogue Needed Within Church, Bishop Says" from West Ohio News, Oct. 11, 2002. Used with permission.

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Creating a Covenant for Addressing Conflict

• What is shared in the circle stays in the circle. Personal information is kept confidential except when safety would otherwise be compromised.

• Speak with respect. Speak in turn, only for yourself and from your own experience. Be specific, brief, and speak in a way that encourages dialogue.

• Listen with respect. Listen for understanding, and be open to being transformed.

• Stay in the circle. Respect for the circle calls for all people to commit to seeing the process through.